Christianity was birthed in relationship. We need each other in order to stay the course and not get distracted. I need you. I need you to be there to hear and see what I am going through and how I am living. I need you to ask me questions and hold me accountable to the distractions that I allow to become my focus. I need you to comfort me when I am down and laugh with me when things are good. We need each other to keep going on this journey.
We need each other for encouragement. I was talking with person "A" the other night. He did not feel like coming to church the other night. Person"B" wanted to come but needed a lift from person "A". Because, person "B" wasn't in church, person "C", who they have a relationship with, didn't come. If “A” had have come to church, “B” and “C” would have been there as well. We operate in relationship and therefore how we act effects everyone else around us. Many people have made comments about being discouraged because other people aren't there.
A month ago, someone told me they were encouraged by a conversation they had with someone else at church. The other person didn't even remember the conversation and yet, they had encouraged someone. This only happens because we are together. Just because you can’t see all the benefits up front, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Outside of Church community rarely happens. Our community is a very good example of this. Since several people have left, saying that community will continue, we have rarely seen or heard from them. When we do get together, the conversation is more like weather-talk than real issues, because we do not really know what is going on in each others lives. We have less in common. Church helps make this happen because we are all in the same place at the same time and have connection. I have been asked over and over the last few months where "so and so" is. People ask because they miss you.
Outside of church/community accountability doesn't happen. Some have suggested that they do not want accountability. This is a very dangerous view. You will not find favorable research anywhere for the idea of no accountability. We as humans need accountability. I have had several conversations lately about people others see as "regressing". Their behavior has become more hedonistic and there language has become vulgar. The unfortunate thing is that these are just symptoms of what happens to the heart when we are not connected with each other and God. When this starts to happen within community, we are there to challenge each other, ask questions, encourage each other and pray for each other
Church was "invented" because we need to be together, to be challenged by God’s word and worship God, which most of us don't do on our own. God knows what we are like.
Unfortunately, as much as we have strived to be different, in so many ways we are still the same, because we do not fight the philosophy of our culture. We have a tendency to be consumers first. We judge everything, including church and community only on the basis of what I get out of it. We rarely consider what we can put into it. What do I have to offer, whether I feel like it or not, because that is what God asks of us. Someone once told me that they weren't coming to our house for open house anymore, because they didn't think it was right that Syl had to clean up after everybody. Apparently the concept of being a part of the community and helping clean up and/or recruiting others to do the same never occurred to this person.
When you aren't in church, it affects the rest of us. You are missed. Many times it is discouraging to others. When a part of our body is missing it hurts us. The world can not see how we love each other if we never get together. The church is the visible manifestation of Christ in the world.
For most of us every week is a matter of do I put myself above the "we", do I do what I need to do, for my sake and the sake of the community or what I feel like doing?
7 comments:
ah, but what is church? does church only happen in a church building? can church happen at let's say 'the vault' or home with close friends? can church happen with just one other person? can church happen more than just on sundays?
i agree that we NEED church... but church is more than just meeting people at a church building.
in spite of all that i have ever experienced of the negative in the church, whether in living it or studying its history, i must say that this blog spoke to me... and if i find myself in a church again, it is only because it is only through the family of God (not building nor institution nor hierarchy even in the smallest way), the church, that i will be challenged and encouraged in my journey back to Him... i have loved the church and then hated it and left it, and in doing so I afflicted terrible harm on the people I loved the most… I am on my own personal pilgrimage back to my creator and redeemer (who even now is redeeming me, not just at my first step, but i still need the family which God created in acts 1... people say you can’t choose your family, but you can choose with regards to other human relationships… well, when I consider the church as the family that The Father created and that He has meaning and purpose for each of us in this family then I am more than encouraged to BE part of the family-it is an essential need in my life and a must in order to maintain my spiritual life and desire…
paul
Phi, here is my problem. I have totally advocated what you said and built our community on it. However, in saying that "church" can be one other person, we pendulum swing.
The fact of the matter is we need time and space to worship together and to read the Word together, because my experience is, if that time isn't committed, it doesn't happen.
I know several people, who have chosen to do the "church on my own" thing and every one of them is struggling, whether they admit it or not. The people looking on can tell.
In the larger community we "get" to hang out with people who are different than we are. Who will rub up against us and challenge us. If we choose who we do "church" with, we choose like-minded people, which is great if you are always on track, but none of us are. I have watched friends this year negatively influence each other away from God and they started doing worship together.
Don't get me wrong, Church is never the building, but it a large body.
I used to go to church, and I used to hang out with you. Its been a while, but looking back, I'd say I left after realizing that Christians do not have a monopoly on community.
Your group feels more like high school than it does a community. And, once people are around long enough to realize that you aren't any less judgmental, close minded and hypocritical than anyone else...they probably feel like they may as well move on with their lives.
I know that sounds harsh, but I know I'm not alone on this because so many of your ex-pats say the same thing.
I can safely say that I am far more encouraged by the friends I have now than the friends I had while working at OnRock. Encouragement and love and a sense of community ARE possible outside of OnRock and the church. Fruitful and healthy friendships can happen anywhere and with anyone.
"When you aren't in church, it affects the rest of us. You are missed. Many times it is discouraging to others. When a part of our body is missing it hurts us."
Are you not aware of how cult-ish this sounds?
And that's the issue for me and many others. We leave you feeling 'icky' about God. Its not supposed to feel like that. Its not supposed to be about popularity or hanging out or pretending to love each other more than other groups do...
I'd suggest taking an honest look at what you have going on in your community before being sad about people leaving it. They're leaving for a reason. Maybe you aren't as approachable as you think you are. Maybe people get tired of your brand of Christianity. Maybe they're off connecting to God somewhere else.
Interesting comments. It is unfortunate that you have chosen to remain anonymous. If you have been a part of our community, the one thing that is constantly stated is that we have not arrived. We have never claimed to be perfect. We have articulated that we do not connect with "regular" church and we are stepping out to explore what church is.
You say other "ex-pats", that is an unfair statement because I can say that about anything to try to add weight. There are people who have left. Everyone is not going to appreciate what we do. Someone approached me recently who didn't feel connected, I encouraged them to connect somewhere else.
You are right, we are not the only expression of community and never claimed to be. We are just one expression. I hope wherever you are now, you have a connection that works for you.
Peace.
K
I chose to remain anonymous to avoid the assumption that my comments were based on my personal experiences alone. Also, I'd really rather not make this personal. Something tells me you'd be less inclined to hear me out if you knew who was speaking.
I dont think its unfair to mention that other people have shared their stories with me and that we have noticed a pattern. I understand what you mean about adding weight to my statement by stating that other "ex-pats" agree with me, but I have a feeling that you understand what I'm talking about when I say that there seems to be a consensus among people formerly associated with OnRock.
In my view, kids come up through the OnRock mentoring program and become friends of the family or even co-workers without fully understanding what it means to be involved in ministry. To put it bluntly, kids hang out and participate because it feels good to be accepted and have friends, not necessarily because they feel called by God to serve.
People look up to you. You represent something unique within the body of Christ. Tattoos. Bands. Hanging out. It's intoxicating. You were the opposite of Bible Study as we knew it. It was a living, breathing community of young, like-minded believers.
Sadly, eventually, all relationships are tested. People make mistakes. In the same way that relationships can be conducive to healing and community and faith, they can also be an obstacle to these things when in a failed or failing state. I'd suggest that many of the people who leave OnRock do so because their personal relationships with you or someone close to you have become strained. We live and die in the OnRock world by your approval of us and our actions.
In most church communities there are multiple leaders operating in various capacities. There are a number of people offering guidance and providing alternate views on the mission at hand. I feel that one of the shortcomings of OnRock was that the whole organization reported to one central manager, you. You have a board of directors, sure. But anyone involved in OnRock reports to you. OnRock is your baby.
I have no issues comparing OnRock to a cult because I feel as though they share many of the same social mechanisms. People idolize you. People orbit around the Reid family. People serve you. They literally paid your salary through donations so that you could dedicate your time to the ministry.
Cont...
Having said that, I am sure you understand how detrimental it can be when someone falls out of favor with you. Our entire social network crumbles. We suddenly feel judged, exposed, and unwelcome. Your "open door" policy is then much less open. We feel that your version of right/wrong is the key to our social lives. To disagree with or to disappoint the leader of the group often offends the rest of the community. People take sides. People get involved. We lose friends. And in the worst case scenario, we leave OnRock feeling hurt and farther from Christ than we were originally.
Many people report a similar realization after leaving OnRock. Myself included. I feel that the people at OnRock are no different than anyone else in the secular world when it comes to love, trust and community. Having been there, I am comfortable in stating that OnRock was one of the most toxic environments imaginable for me, at the time.
I realize that OnRock is only one expression of community and that you never claimed to be the answer in whole, but many of us believed you to be by default because of the way we idolized you as a leader. Our bands jammed in your space. We hung out at your place on Sunday nights. Everything was centered around you and your family and friends. You represented somewhat of a father figure to some of us.
I dont say this to offend. I say this because I worry that other kids have suffered the same or something similar. I worry that your version of 'youth ministry' is a zero sum game. I'll agree that it's worked wonders for some, but what about the many others that have been hurt by your ministry? What about the people you have alienated?
Ill even go so far as to suggest that this is the reason your mission has changed in these last few years. The drop-in center failed. You no longer have a constant stream of fresh hearts and minds in your inner circle. Its become less about the youth and relationships and more about the food-bank and helping families. Why is that? I wont deny that God uses you nonetheless, but Its fairly obvious that your ministry has become less about mentoring youths and more about helping families. Is it possible that you are more effective in this capacity?
I believe you are.
No hard feelings.
God Bless.
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